No sir, there is nothing to worry about. I’m just having a mild life crisis over here. Nothing dangerous at all. (Observations from inside the bubble)
There are times
when my life seems so pointless
so empty
so lost
I have trouble finding my path. I travel fast, I travel long, desperately searching for some kind of independents and originality, and yet I seem to only move on other peoples already stepped up pathways.
There is a quote, on of my favourites, “paths are made by walking”. And I am walking. I refuse to stand still for longer than a minute. And yet, why do I feel so…stuck. Why is it, that I can move across borders and still never find anything new? I changed countries, I changed language, I even tried to changed my self and yet I am still me. Still the same scared lazy old me with my head in the clouds and my heart in the future. Never present, never just here.
I have this image in my head of who I want to be. A girl that’s never scared, constantly courageous and always true to herself. She is beautiful and skinny. She is smart and funny, bright and colourful. She, is everything I am not.
If the world was created in only colours and people and emotions were shining bright I would still only be a pale baby blue tone. Barely even more than beige. That’s not who I want to be.
So why can’t I change? Why is it so difficult for me? How come it always seems like the world, in all it’s beauty and grace, it’s marvellous adventures and magnificent happenings simply floats me by? I can be standing in the eye of the storm and still it does not effect me. Still it keeps slipping between my fingers. So far away, even though it’s happening all around me.
My bubble is expanding, yes. But it is still just a plastic bubble. I can look at the world, but I can’t be a part of it.
Today, I feel slightly lost
and very pointless.
